Monday, November 06, 2006

I want everyone to follow Jesus

I originally wrote this for a family member who has decided her mission in life is to save my soul.

I must say I rejoice that you have found Jesus and are being accepted into his fold. I have to say I finally realized the error of my ways. For a long time now I have preached against these religions who talk of Love, and Jesus and his sacrifice, and God with all his power and might. But alas I too have had my vision and know what I must do. I must encourage those who "believe" to spread the word and bring as many as possible into "the fold". It brings me great happiness that all of God's children can be saved. And that those who have heard the call, work tirelessly to do His work. It brings me great hope to know that among the many sinners in the world today, there is noone who will be left out of the kingdom of heaven. All they must do is give themselves freely to Jesus and have faith in their Lord, thy GOD. My neighbor herself is a great follower of Jesus, she tells me so on Friday mornings when her and her compatriots knock on my door at O'dark 30. I also am reminded daily of her faith by her dealer ring on her old beat up 1983 beetle bug, it simply states "The word of the day is Jesus, Spread the word". I see now that all sins can be forgiven, even those of the Murderers, Rapists, Thieves, Corporate criminals, Politicians, Terrorists, Molesters, all the way down to the Adulterers, Liars, Fornicators and Drunks. All that must be done is confess your sins and seek forgiveness from God in the name of Jesus. The location doesn't matter, the gallows, jail, divorce court or during a confessional with your preacher (aka your vessel to God). Just that you give yourself unto Jesus is required. So now as all of your jaws are on the floor, saying to yourself, when did Josh become a believer. I'll tell you when. I came to this epiphany when I realized the more souls that are saved, the less crowded Hell will be. And since I have my heart, or rather Soul, set on going there, I want to make sure the population is as low as possible. I plan on buying lotsa real estate and want there to be very low demand to keep prices low. So you see, its a simple purpose, get everyone to Heaven so I can have some peace and quiet in Hell. I just want to see Me, Jim Beam, Jack Daniels and a few great Scotsman there, this way the beverages will be Not of This World, also leave some strippers for a good after dinner show. I do have one question though, If I sin more do you think I'll get a lower interest rate???


P.S. I'll be pulling for you all, Praise Jesus.


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